17 June 2011

Lettering for Cover

Dear Potential Employer:

I am writing to you regarding the position of Office Bitch advertised in the classifieds of the local newspaper. I have always admired the work your company has done in the field of capitalism. The company's penchant for making more and more money is an admirable asset given the bleakness of the current economy.

I have spent several years attaining an education rivaled by few. My work experience is richly meager; the importance of quality has always surpassed that of quantity. My crushing despondency has kept me company for the long lonely decades I've spent overeducating myself, and it is currently my greatest asset. It will serve the company well because you will not need to break in my pride and naiveté.

You may reach me at the bottom of my pit of despair during the weekdays, and please hit me up on my cell on the weekends in case you want to partaaaaay. Oh, and did I mention my liver? Oh man, my liver. That thing has been a life-saver in college. Literally.

Humbly yours,

Hopeful Potential Employee

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