Letter to the one who loved me even when I ran

Dear S,

 

Today I woke up to the sound of rain dropping hard onto the slick melted sand surface of the bathroom's skylight.  I felt my lips slide across my white false teeth, bearing what I long ago would try so hard to hide.  I sat in the dark my exposed flesh enjoying the machine generated faux wind.  Thoughts poured from my mind and soon I felt liquid crawling across my once inflated cheek.  Not a stream mind you but several rogue soldiers marching until they fade away. 

 

I laid here for what seemed like an eternity attempting to wrap my mind around what it was that had caused this liquid to slide slowly from the corners of my blue eyes.  Why did I have this feeling of uncontrolled happiness and serenity that is so powerful it has caused years of repressed emotion to seep freely?  In truth I could not find an answer.  I am not equipped to combat liquid soldiers, and frequently find myself succumbing to their tactics. 

 

Later standing under the shower head it came to me.  I was having a soft flashback of you.  In the dripping rain I felt your arms wrapped tight around my heaving chest.  I felt the safety we gave each other.  I felt what I have always known and spent so much of my time running from.  Love.  A deep love that cannot really be expressed by the overly used term, but unfortunately my vocabulary has not provided me with a better way to express this. 

 

The memories rushed over me like they were being carried by the water from the shower itself.  The times we danced, the way we played and most importantly the times we just sat.  It feels like years since I have felt you near me, and maybe it was this distance that allowed me to see what you meant to me.  To be able to finally accept how much I needed you in my life.  To finally return the loving embrace you had allowed me to run in and out of for all these years.  I cannot lie I have been with others, but none have accepted me the way you do.  None have loved me the way you have loved me. 

 

In short my dear I am writing all of this to let you know I am coming home.  After years of you waiting patiently with your open ended invitation I want you to know I am finally coming home.  I only hope you will still see me the way I see you.  I look forward to watching the rain in your arms and sipping coffee.

 

Love

T