Dear Heidi

Dear Heidi,

I am responding to your letter not to apologize or to delve into what a horrid beast I can be, but instead to express how dreadfully wrong your letter is.

You see Heidi, this beast I have spent years sculpting out of the fat lump of clay that formally bore the same name is both a wondrous and dangerous creature.  While it can soar to new heights it occasionally will reach new lows and sadly it will drag those near it down to these depths.  It is a beast that feeds on praise and adoration and will dance for the smallest amount.  I say this without a request for pity nor as an excuse, this is just how I have nurtured this beast, and it has gotten so accustomed to the taste that I see no way to wean it. 

Then again this is not about me.  This is about how very wrong you are.  Sadly my dear Heidi I am rarely able to express any admiration or praise for those I know and like.  Finding the words to express such things never seems to come further to my mind.  It is much easier for me to deal with the larger amount of people who I only care for on the level of a general communal feeling with my common man.  However there are a select few, who have gotten past my leathery exterior and burrowed into what poets would call my heart.  Now we both know that the heart is a simplistic muscled designed to pump fluid throughout a vast interconnected vascular system.  You are an unfortunate member of this club, whether you like it or not, you have paid your dues and at some point you get a t-shirt or a coffee mug... I am not sure, there is a committee working on the gift bag.

For me you are a great friend as you allow this beast to run free but when I need it most you interject a touch of rational thought into my world of impulse.  I also always thought I was the parasite in our relationship.  Exhausting your ear and draining your patience.  I would go into this further but everything I write feels sappy and I would hate to be the mosquito caught in my own here. 

So to close this Heidi, you are the sister I never wanted,  the one who consistently feeds this beast without allowing it to gorge itself.  For this I cannot thank you enough, and I assure you that in a time of real need you would be someone I turned to.

Signed,

Asshole